Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
