My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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