Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
zippers are such a cool invention
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
