OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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