i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize