you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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