Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
