we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
