He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
