R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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