I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
