Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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