you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize