even my farts smell like vagina
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
