new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
