did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
