I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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