I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
