am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
