Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
