clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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