Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want to make out with him forever
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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