I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
