So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
