Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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