i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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