My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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