someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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