you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
