she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
