left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
