Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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