Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
