Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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