He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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