Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
