I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
