How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
