My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She said her name was "party"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
