We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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