in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
