I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
