dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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