Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
