Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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