Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
