so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
