You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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