you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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