Are we in a gay sports bar?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
