I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
