I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
