Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
