Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
