I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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