We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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