TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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