my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
