Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
