I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
