i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
