i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
